I sat with sadness as my companion
Pondered at the raw edge of loss that
Bludgeoned my heart, tracing the circle
Of inevitability beyond my out stretched
Hands, turning tumultuously, wrenching
The very life from my soul, no archway to
Another realm where peace bears its soft
Skin connecting with mine to hear my
Pain, to know it, feel it and say it’s okay.
It will pass to another minute, another
Hour, another day and so time stalks me
To make a space for words to pour from
Me, if I allow it centre stage to speak its
Mind, yet I hold rigid in my despair the
Turning circle blocked by ‘no exit’ signs
Raining me in to meet with no one but
Myself, who knows no way of offering self
Kindness but lectures on imperfections.
Cursing every wrong doing and denying
All right moves as blind alleys without cause.
It is me that enslaves and dallies in the
Byways of dark waves, of polluted depths
A chance taken to meet the hand held
Out, to reach it for just one moment may
Lead to who knows where, to unknown
Fields of unturned earth that waits for
My tender nurture and acceptance of
This life in all its absurdities and
Complexities, I have no calm water
To ponder in and view with open eyes
But look through slits that allow dimmed
Compartmentalised life without rich
Fullness of what might be but plays safe
With should and ought, never to replay
This pathway be it gravel or gold, disallowed
Entry for fear of myself standing guard at
The gate tall and steadfast, unrelenting
With certainty that I can control my every
Waking moment, unaware of….
The need to let go